Night Noises Read online

  Poetry is a fight to the finish 14.

  I respect that. I respect that.

  But I don't like it.

  And I don't think I want any.

  15.

  (I'm such a cynical bastard) A conversation fragment:

  Mariah say

  "Ok. I'm going to work" Rick say

  "How come you always get to go to work? What do I get?"

  Mariah say

  "You get to work here: do laundry

  write poetry

  and baby sit"

  Rick say

  "I should write that down"

  17.

  I want people

  to make something out of my work

  Paper airplanes are a worthy use

  "Zombie Fly"

  Rock and Roll History Class

  listening to a lecture on Soul Music There is a large fly

  sitting on the floor near the CD player I imagine it's listening

  to the Professor's selections

  The fly just flipped onto its back

  legs poking up in the air

  a cartoon death

  right next to the player

  It died to Aretha Franklin

  Oh! It's back up and moving again

  now that the music's off And now, with Ruth Brown playing

  the fly has stopped moving again Weird Shit

  Zombie fly?

  Walking the stage

  No longer a fly

  The fly ascendeth

  to James Brown

  "Our Clawses Intersect"

  When you stab them in the back

  smile

  and they'll hardly notice the blood

  My beard is beginning to feel

  artificial

  like I've strapped an animal pelt to my face

  I'd like to deejay at an all ages club

  and play filthy music for the kiddies I suspect

  they would enjoy it immensely

  Why do we protect children

  from the things adults love most?

  Buildings can sometimes creep up on you and pounce

  You never see it coming

  Sirens are the cries of the city

  echoing

  like banshees

  then fading to a hush

  Silence is only a dream

  "My Friends"

  My friends are foam

  and animals

  with bugging eyes

  or none

  who sing and dance with stars and shadows

  and channel spirits

  long since gone

  from this world

  "Monstrous"

  My brain is monstrous today

  Growling

  Biting

  Scratching

  But it ain't workin'

  like it should It's eatin' villagers

  and stomping on churches and breathing fire

  on all the crops

  And now it's eating that sacrificial virgin the one the villagers

  chained to those manacles right outside the cave opening

  And the young knight

  is nowhere to be found

  probably somewhere in the city shootin' up

  or skeazin' with a cheap hooker

  And my monster brain

  just doin' what monsters do don't seem that bad anymore

  Not compared to that cock

  of a knight

  who really ain't worth a shit

  "Sleep? What's That?"

  1. Camping

  at a creekside RV Park

  just south of Seaside, Oregon

  Starting to get dark

  ashes from the fire

  keep falling on me

  Before here

  we wuz at Dad's house

  in Toledo, Washington

  His 60th birthday was a few days ago We threw a minor wing-ding today Mostly pizza and hacky-sack He's pretty nimble

  for a guy with grand-kids

  Back to camping

  A baby with a stick-on-fire is trying to smack everyone with it

  Must be somewhere between 9:30 and 10:00 pm I'm ready for sleep

  Think I'll try to find my toothbrush

  Mostly too dark to see now

  Teeth are brushed

  hat's off

  laying down in the tent

  Can still hear many "goings on" from the world outside the dome but I'm ready to crash

  Earlier this evening

  Aaron and the rest of the family

  (minus me, I hid)

  were visited by a news crew from Portland who were making a news story

  based on what they already believed to be true Fitting sound bites to their ideas

  instead of trying to discover

  what was really going on

  Too much ruckus to write now

  cuz humans have invaded my tent

  2. Next day

  Still too dark to see properly

  About 4 in the morning

  Been up for a while

  Combination of uncomfortable ground bad back

  having a cold

  and whatever weird psychological thing stops me from sleeping

  I have a hard enough time getting to sleep at home in my own bed

  Not much chance of sleeping at a camp ground

  Now I'm in the car

  writing

  Figured if I wasn't gonna sleep I might as well do something useful

  Wish it would hurry up and get light out I've got the dome light on in the car so I can write

  but the windows are all foggy from the morning dew

  Can't really see out at all

  Terrible position to be in

  in case of zombie or homicidal maniac attack

  And there weren't any paper towels in the restroom

  when I went

  so I didn't wash my hands and now I feel all icky

  Tired sore

  sick

  icky

  uncomfortable

  and completely unprepared for zombie attack

  Not exactly my ideal vacation

  Maybe I'll try to take a nap until the sun comes up Ten minutes after 4 now

  Just talked to Aaron

  (me wife's brother)

  He was grabbing pajama pants out of his trunk

  Legs too cold

  3. Adventure time!

  Aaron needed some milk

  to curb a case of heartburn

  so we went looking for a Safeway Turns out they're not open 24 hours here Shell station was, though

  Only problem is that Aaron's car

  was toastie warm

  (even the seats have heaters

  built right into them)

  so this car

  which didn't seem that bad a while ago (it's 4:44 now)

  seems chilly

  by comparison

  Gonna eat a cereal bar

  4. About 5:00 a.m.

  Sun still isn't up

  but there's enough light to read now

  Took some generic "day-time" cold pills See if that relieves

  my irritated bronchial passages

  I think Aaron went back into the tent

  He was going to try to build a fire with the left-over wood from last night (five bucks per bundle)

  but we left the matches on the table and they got soaked with dew Think he gave up

  and headed back to bed

  Oh! Nope

  He just climbed into his car probably for warmth Or not

  Just got out again

  I wonder what time

  the rest of these shlam-geckies are gonna get up

  I imagine the babies

  won't sleep too much later than now

  I'd turn on the car

  and use the heater for warmth but

  somehow

  that seems like cheating

  Why should I get an actual heater when all Mariah and the girls have is blankets

  (and bodies
, I guess)

  Still feels weird

  not having that course fur all over my face

  (I shaved my beard off a couple days ago

  Do I wanna grow it back?)

  5. Looks like we're gearing up

  for a mini sequel

  to The Birds

  Bunch of noisy black flappers gathering around the tent for a sneak attack

  on the helpless sleeping campers

  I wonder what time this town wakes up

  and comes to life

  Probably not for several hours yet That's the problem with not sleeping much You've got to figure out

  how to entertain yourself

  I suppose I could have gone for a walk That would have helped keep me warm and given me some exercise

  But I didn't

  Mornings are weird

  6. At Marsh's Free Museum

  in Long Beach, Washington Earlier we ate at Pig 'n Pancake in Seaside

  then hit the arcades

  Kids won a bunch of junk

  Now that we're at Long Beach

  we're planning to go down to the sea shore

  and play with our Frisbee and a couple of the toy airplanes the kids won earlier

  Meanwhile, I'm sitting outside Marsh's while the rest of the group looks around

  at Jake the Alligator Man and the two headed calf

  I'm keeping our arcade winnings with me (Marsh's sells similar items and I don't want nobody

  to thinks we stole 'em)

  It's colder

  and much windier

  here in Long Beach

  Better weather for kite flying Less pleasant for a Frisbee

  Unfortunately we're fresh out of kite

  Somehow

  (at present none of us seem capable of formulating a theory)

  the package of generic cold remedy that I purchased before we left Longview has gone astray

  I took two this morning

  at about 5 a.m.

  but have since lost track of the box In addition

  (but thanks to subtraction)

  we only have about five bucks left which we might need for fuel

  if we eventually plan on getting home This means we can't afford to buy any more medicine for my cold

  I must suffer For the obvious reason

  (we're poor)

  we didn't have very much money for this trip

  but we came anyway

  cuz we needed to Not sure how long I've been sitting outside this place

  perhaps days

  but I'm starting to wonder if the rest of the gang

  is ever coming out

  I really need to use the restroom

  I believe

  after our visit here at Marsh's

  and a little bit of time down on the beach we'll finally get to head home

  That would be nice

  I'm a wee-bit tired

  "The Planter Box"

  An odd moment for me

  Actually a series of three

  somewhat average moments

  that

  when taken together

  and in a certain sequence

  produce an odd sensation

  a sensation of the odd

  1. This morning

  approximately 8 a.m.

  give or take a minute or two

  I left my house to warm the car up

  in preparation for taking my younger daughter Ellie

  to school

  Passing from doorway to porch

  I spotted an overturned planter box small, green, cheap, plastic

  and laying nearby

  was a clump of flowers

  sideways

  with their roots exposed

  loosely encased in potting soil

  though some had crumbled away presumably when the plant fell Nothing too bizarre to this

  It had been windy

  lately

  and our porch is often infested with cats either agent being capable

  of knocking over a planter of flowers

  I left the evidence there

  and continued to the car 2. After dropping Ellie at school

  I returned home

  and

  upon reaching the porch

  noticed that the flowers had returned to the planter and that it was now set right-way-up

  It even appeared that the loose potting soil had been swept away I assumed that Mariah

  had quickly cleaned the spill up while I was gone

  3. Later that day

  having run a number of errands stopped by the middle school to view my older daughter Frankie's

  science fair project

  popped by the bank

  run to the post office (though not literally, I drove) and shopped for groceries

  I again returned home

  to find the flowers toppled

  loose potting soil on the porch and the planter upright

  but empty Visually speaking

  the scene appeared to be a re-run

  of the incident I had witnessed that morning and that sensation of the odd

  I mentioned early

  came to me in full force

  as I ran through the possible explanations for how I came to see the same scene twice in one day:

  Explanation A:

  A cat knocked the flowers over again

  while I was out

  This would be the simplest

  most mundane

  possibility

  and, were it the only one I imagined I should have no cause to be writing

  Explanation B:

  Mariah

  nor anyone else

  ever actually cleaned up the original mess and I imagined

  upon my initial return that morning the flowers righted

  and the soil swept away

  This explanation

  though less likely than the first is also entirely possible

  but carries with it

  some rather disturbing suggestions regarding my grasp and grip on the every-day world

  Explanation C:

  The initial spill

  which I thought I glimpsed earlier that morning had not

  yet

  actually happened

  and my vision of it was

  in fact

  some form of premonition or glimpse of the future

  Remarkably

  this third hypothesis

  though entirely improbable

  if not down-right impossible

  was the first one to pop into my head when the third porch scene came into my sight

  That this should be my first thought

  some type of time-perception displacement unfortunately

  again brings up questions

  of my grip on reality

  precisely because it is so unlikely

  And that's why I've chosen to note this collection of circumstances as a confession of mental insecurity

  which

  should I ever end up in court

  can be used as part of my insanity plea

  I can imagine the scene already:

  me

  handcuffs linked to ankle restraints by a clinking chain

  The courtroom filled with jeering snarling faces My lawyer

  a young man

  the only person willing to take the case smiling as the judge

  in a somber voice

  declares me innocent by reason of insanity

  At least I assume I'm imagining it

  Let's hope it's not another toppled planter box to come

  "Memory Problem"

  1.

  I'm fragmenting

  Gushing

  Should I let it run?

  Or look for a psychic plumber?

  The Devil is in the pipes How best to edit this mess?

  This poem? This life?

  By house fire?

  My number two fear just behind illness If my journals burn

  will I cease to
be?

  They are the solid memory of me

  Fragments

  Fragments are all we have

  Fragments are the whole

  2.

  Lives are always lost

  replaced by stories When we read about a life:

  Socrates

  world's first stand-up comic we aren't remembering him we are creating some new Socrates

  And the original is still dead

  We take pictures to remember sights we wouldn't have seen

  if we hadn't taken the pictures

  We clash with the ghosts of the past... and photographs are hauntings

  3.

  Photographs are hauntings Family albums

  and diaries become icons and stories

  The ghosts of loved ones look at us

  in monochrome

  Buried smiles

  flash

  from glossy five by sevens

  We feed on these corpses Memories accumulate become archives mausoleums

  Stories are told and retold and retold until they become lies disguised as history

  "Hotel"

  1.

  In Eugene at an optical convention

  Mariah's clinic picking up the check Staying at the Hilton

  No fridge

  No microwave

  No paper towels

  Seven bucks to park

  Last year that was free Mariah floats off to class

  I try watching t.v.

  but can't

  Finished Ginsberg's Kaddish

  Think I'll look for Howl tomorrow at that big book store

  I really liked last time

  Forgot the camera

  Never remember the "sights" now My head is a black hole

  Mariah wants me to go with her

  to the "event" tonight

  upstairs

  to have a drink

  But my eyes are already getting tired Not sure how much steam I have left 2.

  Keep hearing sirens from the streets below

  (I'm on the third floor)

  and imagining

  bombs going off

  or crazy murderers

  on the loose

  Loud noises in the hallway

  Probably someone pushing a luggage cart around Though it could be a body on a stretcher

  Is this the same room as last time? Or are the rooms

  all exactly the same here? Deja vu

  I think the water in the bathroom just turned on and off by itself A ghost

  washing its hands

  Moan. Maybe from the pipes

  Lots of weird clicks and ticks Traffic noises from below The heater says 72 degrees F but I'm cold

  even with my jacket on

  Maybe Mariah's class ended at 9:00 pm instead of 8

  I should have asked her before she left Will she ever return?

  (I thought most people grew